Monday, March 7, 2011


Warning: parenting spoiler alert.

There are lots of things I wish I had known before I had children. Here are a few that have recently come to light. I sense that this could be a repeating theme here at Bad Mama Moments, no?

I wish I had known that...


A hunter shoots and kills Babar the elephant's mother on page three of The Story of Babar.

Children's books often come with helpful labels like "Teaches numbers!" "Teaches letters!" but no where do they tell you "Teaches death!" which definitely would have been nice to know.


Bizarre toddler behavior has absolutely nothing whatsoever to do with parenting.

Prior to owning my own three-year-old-child, I used to think that tantrums, yelling, kicking, hitting, biting, picky-eating, piss-poor-sharing, lack of table manners, and generalized-mayhem-making were the fault of lazy parenting and easily remedied with a few simple behavior modification techniques.

It is now painfully clear to me that there is almost nothing that one can do to change the behavior of a three year old. Instead you live your life as if you're carrying a live grenade. You do your best to manage, juggle, and generally keep the peace - but there's just no convincing a live grenade to play nicely.


My pre-children body is gone and it will never be back.

After I triumphantly lost my baby weight, I was dismayed to discover that things just aren't the way they used to be. There have been some major structural changes within my body that I was simply not expecting.  I will spare you the graphic details but suffice it to say that some things got larger, some things got smaller, and in general - everything lost its' structural integrity.


I think that about does it for today, I'm sure there will be more to come on this particular topic.

What about you? What has hindsight taught you that you wish you'd known before?


  1. today of all days tells me that the senior days are not the golden don't rush to get to them..i often believe that medical science keeping us alive so much longer in ways is great and inother ways STINKS carlos says you can outlive your usefulness..

  2. babies don't sleep well.

    breastfeeding hurts and is bloody difficult

    there is no timetable for learning milestones

    you can buy as many toys as you want, your child will still prefer to chew on keys, shoes, or anything remotely dangerous or breakable.

  3. Happy Birthday, Mama :)
    MM - Good ones!! so true!

  4. In regards to Babar: do not let your kids read the actual book that Bambi was based on unless you enjoy dealing with nightmares. I remember getting that book from the library when I was 7 or so and being so traumatized by what I read (let's just say the author went into very graphic detail regarding the demise of several of the characters). I never looked at Disney movies the same way after that. :)

  5. I have to laugh at the warning 'parenting spoiler' You're right you want to know as much as you can, but I'm sure there will always be things that catch you off guard.

  6. Ha! Oh boy, I can relate (especially to the loss of pre-baby body). Thank goodness there are also the OTHER things you can't possibly know until you have your own children, such as...
    1. Being a mom made me realize the strength and tenderness I'm capable of (also the yelling- but I'm trying to think positive right now!).
    2. Having children requires you to live for something other than yourself- I think it really does eventually make one a better person.
    3. I get the health benefits of busting out laughing all day long (if I let myself) at the antics and quotes of my bizarre offspring!
    4. Showing my child something new to them (fossils, snowflakes, constellations) brings back all the wonder I had lost about those things. It's like experiencing them again for the first time. Love that.

  7. I wish I had some humorous lessons learned that I could's just one of those days. Found out our youngest son (6yo) has permanent hearing loss (they thought it was being caused by fluid in his ears, but no). So now we've to run a gamut (sp?) of tests to rule out possible diseases and/or syndromes before we deal with the actual loss. had me literally laughing out loud with today's post. Thank you, I needed it! :)

  8. And you will, inevitably, no matter how hard you try not to be - you will eventually one day become "The Meanest Mom is the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!". Hopefully your reign of terror is short and sweet - even if the memory is long lived.

  9. THK - So sorry to hear about your son. I'll be keeping you in my thoughts.

  10. Melissa, I can so relate to your analysis about three year olds. And boys in particular (at least from my perspective - Livvy was a dream compared to her wild brothers).

    I could write a book about my ignorance about mothering. Here's one: no matter how much of a pacifist you may be, your son will automatically gravitate towards weapons - if you do not get him a lightsaber or sword, they will make one own out of Crayola markers stacked up upon each other, chop sticks, fire place implements. Resistance to this fact is futile.