Thursday, December 19, 2013

A crappy parent does crafting

It's Christmas!

Time for heartwarming sessions crafting with the boys, right?

Sweet, candlelit, gingerbread scented moments of glitter, glue and laughter.

Beautiful gifts to hand out to beaming relatives. 

Here's how it went:

The plan:

Stupid Pinterest.

How easy could this be? Kiddo's fingerprint, a little sharpie work and viola! A cute keepsake for beloved relatives.

How it went down:

Fingerprints? No, mama. 

The fingerprint plan was quickly abandoned.

The children began to paint the ornaments any which way.

I had given them red, green and white paint (Christmas colors, yes?) but the wee one insisted on brown.


Very festive. A brown ornament is a lovely addition to any holiday decor.

And finally:


And we're done!

Fa la la la la. La. La. La. LA!

Happy Holidays!

Friday, October 18, 2013

Parenting, as done by a Neurotic

This post could also be titled, "What Goes Through My Head While Interacting with Other Parents."

Inside my head at any (and all) school functions...

"Hi, how are you? Nice to see you again. How's your son/daughter doing at school this year?"
She is so much thinner than me. 
Way thinner. 
Must be a runner.  
She probably does marathons. Why was I cursed with these short legs and lack of discipline. 
I'm going running when I get home. 

"Hi, I can't believe how big your son/daughter is getting!"
What a great suit. I bet she just came from a fulfilling day at an important job. 
Why did I even wear this outfit? Do I even own a suit anymore?
No, no I do not. 
My boys will probably grow up to think that women aren't productive members of society. 
I'm going on when I get home. 

"Hi. Nice to meet you."
Look at those earrings. So pretty. I never would have thought to buy something like that. 
Do I even own earrings that were purchased in the 21st century?
Accessories. Jewelry, shoes, purses. I have got to get on that. 
When I get home I'm going to start a Pinterest board regarding current trends.  

"Oh, hi - yes my son talks about your son/daughter all the time!"
Those children are so well behaved. 
Why is  my son yelling again? 
Please God, don't let them start hitting each other right here and now. 
They are obviously way better parents than I am. 
When I get home I am ordering parenting books from

"It was great seeing you too. Let's do a playdate sometime."
I do not schedule enough playdates. 
My children are socially deprived. 
It's a wonder they can socialize at all. 
When I get home I am emailing every parent on the class list for a playdate, before it's too late. 

"Take care. Bye!"
We're probably leaving too early. Are we leaving too early? 
Everyone in there is enjoying themselves except me. 
No one likes me, or my kids. 
I bet they're all headed home to feed their children healthy, vegetable-laden dinners, too. 
Tomorrow I am going to do everything better. 

Monday, October 7, 2013


My youngest is small for his age.

25th percentile for height, and easily the wee-est one in his preschool class.

Ignore the epic blinking face on photobombing brother.

He is anti all things dairy (except ice cream, of course) so on the rare occasions that he asks for chocolate milk, I am happy to oblige.

Today was one of those days.

I obtain a tall cup of chocolatey calcium and hand it over.

Something occurs with plastic swords and the entire glass is spilled.

I grind my teeth, "No big deal guys, accidents happen" I say, with mock cheerfulness and I obtain another cup of chocolate milk.

For growing bones, I tell myself as I hand it over.

Why can't they play with dolls? 

This time something happens with a plastic bead necklace and the table and floor are once again covered in milk.

This time my cheery, "Lets not cry over spilled milk" isn't fooling anyone.

His short little bones be damned, he ain't getting another cup.

Tuesday, July 30, 2013


I am currently awash in a sea of beautiful produce from our local CSA. I love our farmer and each year that I am a member of the CSA I vow to use everything we get.

So far I have failed miserably, but each year I get a little better.

I imagine that I am not the only person in the world swimming in zucchini (and cucumbers... and kale) so today I made some vegetarian enchiladas and used up a big chunk of this weeks farm haul.

Here's the recipe!

First of all, make some salsa. Into the food processor:
3 large tomatoes
1/2 large onion
1 clove garlic
1 handful cilantro (stems and all!)
1 seeded jalepeno

Pulse until salsa-y  (it required 2 batches in my food processor). I strained this slightly before using it in my enchiladas - my tomatoes were very juicy and the salsa was watery.

Next make your filling. In a large skillet heat up some olive oil and saute:
3 medium zucchini (diced)
3 green peppers (diced)
the other 1/2 of that onion (diced)
1 clove garlic (minced)
2 tablespoons each: chili power, cumin, coriander
1tsp garlic powder and onion powder
salt and pepper
Cook until soft.

Finally, layer it up like lasagna
Into the bottom of a 13x9in baking dish place a layer of your salsa.
Cover with a layer of soft corn tortillas.
Cover that with your zucchini mixture (reserving about a cup)
Then add a layer of your favorite shredded cheese.
Finally another layer of corn tortillas, salsa and the remaining zucchini mixture.
Top it all off with a layer of cheese.

Bake at 400 for 20-30 minutes, until golden brown and bubbly.
Allow to cool for a bit before cutting, lest it be watery.

Cheesy, veggie goodness. 

This made for a very mild dish, next time I think I'll use the jalapeno whole and it will still be pretty mild.