Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Ebb and flow (again)

I'm feeling a little bit down today.  Could be the continued struggles with our beloved-but-currently-challenging-three-year-old. Could be that all surfaces in the house are either dirty, sticky, sandy, crusty or stained. Could be the endless piles of laundry we accumulate around here. Could be the Patriots pathetic loss Sunday.

We grieve.
I'm not sure what it is but my usual methods of self-motivation are failing me. A junk food filled weekend has left me guilt-ridden and lethargic. My trip to the gym this morning felt like a slog through an unforgiving wasteland of people thinner than me. I can't even head to the kitchen to cook myself happy because I have to unearth the counters from beneath the detritus of the weekend.

Oh the horror.

No, nothings "wrong". I'm just pooped. I feel like I don't have what it takes today. I envied my husband as he rose for work before 5am. Yes, I envied him and before five am.

I know how blessed I am. Two healthy children. The ability to stay at home these early years, while working a few evenings to stay current in my practice. I have much to be grateful for: my health. Hubs' health. A warm house. Naptime. The Mentalist. Books. Coffee. A lot, really.

It's just that some days I feel like a hard-working mama who's doing the best she can for these two incredible little humans I get a chance to raise.

He's like a cat, sometimes he sees things I don't.

And some days I feel like the whipping boy for a relentless task master. I think there are fair labor laws that might apply to my life sometimes.

You! Get back to work! Change my diaper!

And that's the hard truth. One day everything seems to flow (with hard work and a metric ton of patience, naturally) and the next day getting bodies dressed and teeth brushed seems like an insurmountable task.  Today is one of those days where I've got to dig deep just to get the minimum done. And minimum ain't so mini here. Especially when cutting myself some slack doesn't come naturally to this perfectionistic mama.

Today's the kind of day when I feel tomorrow, and the next day and the next day pushing down on my shoulders.  A break, my kingdom for a break.

But, tomorrow will be better.  There's always next year for our beloved, heartbreaking Patriots. And spring training will be here before we know it.

Today is long, the work is hard, and my patience is waning. 

But, tomorrow will be better. And if not tomorrow there's always another chance the next day.


  1. feel exactly the same way..nothing seems to be motivational..hate to go out to work in this weather and even the diet and exercise is tough..as you say tomorrow is another day..keep your chin up and plow ahead

  2. I hear you. Just having one nine-month old is hard enough... it's like Anne Lamott says, raising a kid is like trying to put a live octopus in a shoebox - one arm is always getting out and flailing around, ruining everything.

  3. Stay strong Mel! Take a deep breath, one thing a time. Gonna try and send lots of love your way today. oxox