Tuesday, January 17, 2012

Epic Fails Part 1: The time I hit myself in the face. With a wrench.

Recently while I was regaling beloved Miss Kristen with one of my many tales of one hilarious failure or another, she suggested that I add an "Epic Fails" category to Bad Mama Moments.

Here we are.

Today I am going to tell you about one of my most epically awesome moments.
Before I was a nurse, I was a lab geek working in the Biotech industry. Cells and microscopes and incubators, not gonna lie, it was a pretty fly gig.

Our incubators were fed sciency air via very large compressed air tanks, like this one:
Except approximately 6 feet tall.

Note the large nut on the side of the air tank's top.

One utilizes a wrench to remove the nut and attach the regulator that controls the air flow from the cylinder into the incubator.

On this particular day the nut was on rather tight. Ask for help? Never.

In a burst of inspiration, I opted to use gravity and leverage.

I placed the wrench on the nut, angling the handle of the wrench towards the ceiling - then I placed both hands on the handle of the wrench and applied all my body weight.

Success! The nut loosened and the handle of the wrench came crashing down onto my cheekbone with all the force a 120lb woman can muster, with the help of gravity of course.

I immediately noticed a large egg forming below my eye.

I was not going to be able to hide this little incident from my peers.

"Umm, boss?" I say, upon entering the doorway of boss' office.
"Yeah?" he says, looking up, startled when his eyes reach my face.
"Yeah."  I say. "I, ah, hit myself. In the face. With a wrench."


"Hi, umm, HR lady? Boss says I need to fill out some paperwork because I had an injury in the lab."
"Oh dear, you poor thing!" says cheery HR lady. "Name, date of birth... yadda yadda... and what happened in the lab?"
"I hit myself.

In the face.

With a wrench."

"Well then. Let's just have you sign right here."


  1. sorry we all laugh at your misfortune but that is so typically missy..hilarious ..you should know better than to touch tools ..great at the stove cooking ..bad with tools..Hilarous..thanks for the laugh

  2. I like your illustration :) Great story.

  3. My hubby was climbing up the hatch on his previous sub. Someone was working topside and should have had his tools tethered to him. He didn't tether the wrench and it fell down the hatch. He shouted "Heads up!" so my hubby looked up and caught the wrench to the face, just below his nose. His right nostril and right side of his upper lip split and needed to be stitched up without Novocaine (apparently, that doesn't work on the tip of your nose??). There's a lovely scar from his nose all the way down his upper lip now.

    My epic wrench fail was trying to put a new battery in my car. I was using a ratchet wrench in the loosen position to tighten a bolt. Couldn't figure out why it wasn't working, haha! To make it worse, every time I applied the wrench and made the connection, my car alarm went off, making me deaf and pissing off my neighbors. :)

  4. Btw, I think this is an awesome category!

  5. I'm glad to hear that I'm not the only one there with an unfortunate habit of catching things with my face. :D

  6. OH NH girl - thank you - EPIC wrench stories :) Your hubs and I clearly have a bond :)
    L - LOL!!

  7. Did this happen at Atrium?!! I vaguelly remember a picture of you, but I don't remember if it was with a swollen cheek or just making a funny face!