Sometimes I say things and I feel like I am standing over a large precipice on a flimsy bridge of words, hope, and luck.
Here's what I mean:
A bee buzz's nearby and the Big Boy is frightened, he whimpers, runs to me and says,
"I'm ah-fwaid of bees, Mama!"
"It's okay, Bud" I say, "Mama will protect you. Mama will keep you safe."
I teach him to hold still, watch the bumbler fly away and sing, "Shoo fly don't bother me" until he laughs and runs off.
Mama will protect you. Mama will keep you safe.
***
I wash the Wee One's hands, then my own. I clean a needle and some tweezers with alcohol.
He cries and fusses with the splinter in his palm.
"It's okay, Bud" I say, approaching him with the needle hidden in my hand, "Mama will fix it. Mama make it all better."
Mama will make it all better.
***
I bring the boys to the gym. Lugging diaper bag, snacks, cups, sneakers, and yoga mat. We've been coming here 3-4 times a week since the Big Boy was 8 weeks old.
"Mama?" the Big Boy says, "Can you not weave?"
"Sorry, Bud." I say, "I gotta teach today, but I'll come right back. Mama always comes back."
He begins pestering the beloved daycare gals for pretzels and I sneak out.
Mama will always come back.
***
He is sweaty and shivering with fever. I scoop him up and put a cool, satiny blanket between us. Walking slow, steady laps around the first floor of the house until he grows still and heavy in my arms.
"Shh, baby." My mantra. "I've got you. It's going to be okay. Shh."
It's going to be okay.
***
I kiss the Big Boy goodnight and let him close the door. He hesitates, "Mama?"
"Yeah, Bud?"
"Glow-worm will not come in my woom."
"No, Honey. Glow worm won't come in your room, remember he's just a toy."
"Dare's nuffin to be ah-fwaid of."
"Dare's nuffin to be ah-fwaid of."
"That's right, Bud. Love you."
There's nothing to be afraid of.
***
I feel it is important for my boys to trust that I will always be there. That I will keep them safe. That I will ease their pain.
But the truth is, he's going to get stung, get scared, and I won't always be there to catch him when he falls.
It's scary, parenting. I want them to feel happy and safe in the world, but unfortunately the world isn't always a happy, safe place.
I'll do my best for them, but I can't change that one simple fact.
Oh I know this feeling. I hate how scary real life is, and we have to let our kids live here in the real world even though we can't fix everything. But the power of a mother's love can do a whole lot, even when the world is scary and harmful. Their trust for you gives them so much peace and security.
ReplyDeletethis has been the parent's dilema forever..it is too bad that the world only seems to be getting worse for each generation..nana used to say "the pedulum will swing back soon" i just don't see that happening..not in her or my lifetime..all you can do is hold on, enjoy the ride and do your best for your kids..
ReplyDeleteMelissa, you are giving the boys a foundation, a sense of trust and confidence. You're doing a great job, mama!
ReplyDeleteVery well thought out and written. Stuff that I think about often. I say something to my kids so often that it's now a mantra..."what's my job, guys?" "To keep us safe." "yes, so if I ask you to wear a jumper when it's cold/hold my hand crossing the road/eat 2 more spoons of vegies/wash yourself with soap (insert scenario of the moment here!), it's because I'm trying to do my job and keep you safe and healthy." "ok mum" Works a treat. I figure if we can teach them a feeling of security and trust, we're going a long way to growing up secure adults...even tho we have no control over the big bad world. Ros
ReplyDeletePS having trouble leaving comments on blogs at the moment...maybe something to do with how i've set up my google account...any ideas? Driving me mad!
beautifully written and so true... i loved finding your blog via Soule Mama. And this entry in particular touched my heart. The words, the intentions... they are all true. The reality... it is true also. It is a big world out there... and through each moment we breathe and keep putting one foot in front of the other the best way we can.
ReplyDelete