I know I've written about burnout before. I know I've written about the ebb and flow, the good days and bad, the ups and downs that are my life right now. I even bored you by drumming up some gratitude during one of my downish periods.
Unfortunately, I'm here again. I'm pooped. The sickness. The snow. The tantrums. The whining. It's not just "getting to me" it has gotten to me.
I've tried everything to perk it up inside my grouchy little mind.
I've tried to exercise it out.
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| Go ahead, do some crunches with this kid on your belly. I dare ya. |
Tried to knit it out.
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| In a moment I will remove the potentially dangerous item from his wee hand, but first, the camera |
Tried to smother it in cookies.
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| Mmm. |
Tried to drown it in cups of tea.
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| Okay, fine. So this isn't so much tea, as mugs of hot chocolate. With Bailey's. |
Nothin' doing. I'm still here. Exhausted and foul tempered. I live for naptime, and then as soon as those ninety minutes are up, I live for bedtime. This is no way to live. I look around and can only see piles of laundry, a dirty house, a bad haircut (seriously, a mullet). I just can't find the beauty right now.
I know I have nothing to complain about. Pema Chodron
would say this is "bourgeois suffering". I.e: there's really nothing "wrong", and in fact, if you had asked me to describe a "perfect life" about four years ago, my current life is what I would have described. Hey, Alanis - that's ironic. It's all about perspective. Four years ago, when I wondered whether I would ever carry a pregnancy to term, a day home with two beautiful children would have seemed like paradise. I know twelve years from now, when I've got two sullen tween boys - a day of peek-a-boo and little golden books will be a memory I turn to and savor. Unfortunately, I just don't feel that way right now. And I can't seem to do anything about it.
So, I'm in a funk. The good news is, I know it won't last. But, for now, that's where I'm at. Stuck good and solid in this funk-i-tude.
Guess I better go clean something.
only thing i can say is i am with you sista...i love the people that say "well everyone is in the same boat" ..DOES NOT HELP.. everyone is crabby and i think it is going to stay that way until this damn white stuff gives us a break..being stuck inside with the wee ones is not a fun winter even if they are so cute. on the 90 min nap do some "guided meditations "taking you back to chatam and the lovely outdoor restaurant we sat and had drinks at this summer maybe that will help..hang in there ..the baileys looks like a good idea he he
ReplyDeleteAwww! Warm momma vibes coming your way!!! The cookies never worked for me either by the way ;). So true what you say about perspective :).
ReplyDeleteHow about music? Yesterday, my daughter was in such a funk. I put on pandora and we started dancing, not a cure but a sure distraction for all of us. Anyway, what goes up, must come down, yes?
Good for you! You are allowed to be in a funk...everybody gets that from time to time and you don't need to pretend that you're 'little miss happy pants' all the time! Embrace your funk. You work hard - you deserve to be cranky!!
ReplyDeleteAnd tomorrow is a new day, and perhaps all the poop will go back to being funny, but until then, keep your chin up (it makes eating the chocolate easier!!)
xxxCate
Totally understandable - and funk is just part of mommying, I think. I like Bailey's in the cocoa, very helpful at bedtime. Listen to some blues, maybe, and be as kind to yourself and others as you can - that's all anyone can do. :)
ReplyDeleteThanks, Mom :)
ReplyDeleteMJ - great idea - I surfed over to kellehampton.com yesterday and grooved to her blog's playlist and that definitely helped
Cate - HA! your comment cracked me up - thank you "little miss happy pants" love it.
MM - it's so hard to be kind to myself, hard to give permission to just take it easy, but I'll give it a shot :) thanks xo
ReplyDeleteI know it might not help you today but I personally think FOUL, FOUL, FOUL moods are good for the soul.
ReplyDeleteA good grump, probably a bit of shouting, even throwing (in my case, toys into the toy box when the children aren't looking) and a good mad-woman talking-to-herself rant ( again here it's usually about my dear husband/the Dutch/ my life/ whatever) really does act as a soul cleanser ... honest.
Hang in there. you're doing a great job (even if you don't believe it)!
Gayle x
Keep going (since there's no alternative!) and things always do swing up eventually.
ReplyDeleteGayle - so true - SO glad I'm not the only one who has talking-to-myself-rants!!
ReplyDeleteR&T- thanks, also so true there IS no alternative, and sometimes that's the only thing that gets you through.
Mama- Keep your head up babe and moving forward. It will pass. Find joy in the little things. Take time to stop and take in a deep breath until you can find your peace. You are number one and need to take care of you because without you those wee ones will be lost. oxox
ReplyDeleteBeing housebound with sick little ones during the winter just sucks. No need to candy coat it. I know I so need my glass of wine some nights. And I may even take up having hot cocoa and Bailey's one of these days! BTW I love your mom - can I borrow her?
ReplyDeleteThanks Traci :)
ReplyDeleteTonya - yes indeed, it totally sucks, and yes you can borrow my mom - I think she'd love that :)
Hello, I am visiting your blog from Soulemama's moments.
ReplyDeleteI just wanted to say I can totally relate to your post. I have been feeling a bit of the same this past week. Seems like I go from fine to really irritated in the blink of an eye.My oldest is a spirited child who loves to argue and I just feel like it drains all my energy out of me. I hate to argue, even being around someone putting up a stink is very very draining.
It sounds like you are doing all the right things to help your funk pass.You are not alone!
It also sounds like you have a great sense of humor, don't loose that, mama!
Just catching up on your blog and I can say I totally relate. The funk, the fatigue, the frustration. What the F@&$!
ReplyDelete(I've also read a lot by Pema Chodron. Very interesting, indeed!)
Hang in there. This, too, shall pass ...